My physiology seems to fluctuate between intense contraction and moments of beautiful expansion lately. Squeeze and release. We are living in such unprecedented times. I rarely lose the sense that “all is well” and yet I feel the impact of fear, urgency and chaos in my physiology. I am not immune. I’m not going to lie. I also have a history of trauma with a highly sensitive nervous system.
I’m not fully identified with what is happening in the world but I am as fully aware as I can be without over stimulating my nervous system. I don’t hide from it and yet I don’t fully identify with it. My life is oriented towards something more subtle. More real. More consistent. More steady and reliable. The unchanging context in which it is all happening. Even though the intensity of world affairs has changed, the underlying context hasn’t changed. It has never changed. I’m not sharing this as a mental construct but an actual lived experience.
Once you are oriented towards the quiet consistent background of reality you really can’t un-know it. One glimpse is all it takes. Everything is happening in a context of “all is well”. And just to be clear I’m not talking about spiritual bypass.
The one word that keeps coming up for me right now is trust. Trust what is being activated in your physiology. Trust in your capacity to meet it with compassion. Stay on your healing path. Trust your practices. Trust the people that are on this path with you. Trust what you know in your heart.
My practices and ways of being haven’t changed over the last while. I feel like I have been preparing for this over the last decade as I’ve met layers and layers of undigested trauma, false identities, dependencies and survival strategies that no longer work. I’ve learned how to be here and tend to what is arising in my physiology. My orientation towards being here hasn’t changed. I find my home here even when things get unbearable. I meet myself right here. Over and over again.
The one thing I know for certain is that, irregardless of how chaotic it gets, my home is right here where I am right now. There is peace here. An intelligence that goes way beyond my capacity to understand.
I don’t like being squeezed. In this very moment I have two little beings, Maisie and Lily, who are on either side of me so close that I’m actually feeling a little claustrophobic. A little squeezed. I can’t really extend my elbows to type these words. So I will take a little pause and reclaim my space. Maisie is pretty good but Lily knows nothing about personal space.
I don’t mean to minimize what’s happening on a global scale but simply to remind you that it only takes a moment to come back to the actuality of what is happening in your experience right now. Right now is always calling you back. Feet on the ground; seat on the chair; gravity holding this body in place; looking; candles flickering; light and shadow; shapes and colours; listening; the sound of traffic; quiet; tap tap of the computer keys; touching; soft blankets; fuzzy housecoat; sensations; tightness; pressure; flow; upright body; held here; simplicity; spacious; unburdened moment.
To support you in your practice:
A Simple and Safe Morning Practice for the Sensitive or Traumatized Physiology
Love,
Candace ♡
All of Candace’s services are Trauma, PTSD, Complex Grief, Chronic Illness and Benzo withdrawal symptom sensitive.