I feel the weight of my body on the seat and the coolness of air on my toes. It’s good to be here. The sound of a lawn mower is familiar and soothing to my nervous system. My nervous system was activated from an early morning disturbance in the strata complex where I live. The sympathetic charge was helpful to get my house cleaned up and a walk with my pup Maisie. My system is settling now and I feel a familiar tiredness in my eyes of coming down from activation. Rest feels natural and welcome. It all feels natural. The going up and the coming down. I notice that Maisie is also curled up on her favourite blanket. She rode some of the waves of activation with me on our walk.
There’s a gentle breeze in the yard. I notice how still it is and how the leaves on the trees move without disturbing the stillness. I also notice how the clouds move without disturbing the sky. The warmth of the sun sends waves of comfort through my whole being.
The body is innocent. The body is meant to fluctuate in the same way that all of nature does. It’s not meant to be calm all the time or activated all the time. It’s like our heart beat that moves blood through the entire body and the wave like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract. Always moving and changing to accommodate our needs.
We have been taught to distrust the natural intelligence of our bodies. We send messages of rejection to the body repeatedly and yet she continues to move and breathe. Don’t be angry. Don’t be sad. Don’t be tired or sick. Don’t get old. Don’t change. Don’t be bossy. Don’t be passive. Don’t grieve and if you do don’t grieve for too long or too hard. Don’t be loud. Don’t be quiet. Don’t gain weight. Don’t lose weight. Eat this. Don’t eat that. It’s endless. You’re fat. You’re lazy. You’re a loser. You’re broken. You’re not good enough. It hurts my heart even to write these words.
I have a gentle and respectful relationship with my body. The kind of relationship I always longed for. I slow down and rest when I’m tired. I move when I have the energy to move. I eat food that nourishes me. Not too much and not too little. I stay hydrated. I avoid extremes. I notice that my body loves soft blankets, soft clothes and soft smells like orange and grapefruit. I like my shower just the right temperature and just the right amount of honey in my coffee. I eat chocolate and potato chips. My body sends cues of safety when I’m in the company of safe people and cues of danger when something is off. My body doesn’t like fast food or spicy food. My body is tired by 8:00 pm and wide awake at 5:00 am.
“The whole universe is contained within a single human being – you.” ~ Rumi
When we sit outside of our bodies in judgement of this precious organism we miss the simple pleasures she provides; seeing, listening, touching, tasting and smell. We are disconnected from her vast intelligence and her natural impulses that are sending us messages every moment. We must find a way to make peace with our body and to embrace her as she is in all of her magic and mystery.
All of Candace’s services are Trauma, PTSD, Complex Grief, Chronic Illness and Benzo withdrawal symptom sensitive.