There’s a gentle breeze moving through the trees this morning. If the weather today was a mood I would say it’s a somber day. A little dark, heavy and burdened by the change of weather. Even the birds are quiet this morning. I love somber days. because they feel so honest. We are living in somber times.
A difficult conversation is reiterating through my mind calling me back to unprocessed emotions. A conversation that left me heavy with remnants of the past. I grew up in a very patriarchal family where the feminine voice was unacknowledged. There was rarely permission to speak and even less permission to feel. Sensitivity and tenderness were seen as flaws. I carry this conditioning in my physiology and suppression comes naturally to me. A survival response in an over-bearing family culture.
I recognize a familiar kind of absence from myself today. A splitting off that happens when I am in the company of over-bearing people. How do I connect with someone who says, “I just crush anything that stands in my way”. I feel crushed by the weight of that confession. I feel the truth of it in my body.
“The inner core of patriarchal culture is estrangement, the estrangement of mind from body, men from women, thought from feeling, humans from earth.” ~ Rosemary Reuther, Goddess and the Divine Feminine
As I’m writing this I have quiet soulful music playing in the background. I feel my body softening. An acoustic version of The Beatles, Blackbird. “take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arrive. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free.”
I’m grateful for synchronicities and how life continues to call me back to myself over and over again. It’s not our natural state to be overbearing and heavy with unprocessed pain. There is a more natural and embodied way of being that begins with truth telling, gentle compassion, deep listening and a willingness to see.
We must learn to navigate the feminine principals of vulnerability and surrender to release the constrictions of a patriarchal culture that are deeply embedded in our minds and bodies.
All of Candace’s services are Trauma, PTSD, Complex Grief, Chronic Illness and Benzo withdrawal symptom sensitive.