I want you to join me in making a sacred promise to yourself that you will not abandon yourself. This one act of compassion has changed everything for me. Right at the very moment when I feel the strong and habitual pull of self-recrimination it’s as if there is a little internal nudge that says, “remember your promise” and I do. I remember how much it hurts to turn on myself and how much my entire being, including my history of trauma, benefits from my own compassion. My own presence. I care about myself.
It’s quiet here this morning as I reflect on some challenging interactions I’ve had recently and the residue of those interactions in my physiology. I feel held here in this moment. Held by the couch, held by the floor and held by the ground. Stable and secure in my own weightedness. I notice the spaciousness of the room; candles flickering and my little bookends, Maisie and Lily, sleeping on each side of me; the familiar sound of traffic and my arms resting gently on my lap. The bracing in my body feels strong and yet unnecessary in this moment. The past is present. It’s asking for my attention.
I’m grateful for this path of healing I’ve been on for the last decade that has taught me about how the past lives on in our physiology and unless met can overshadow our present moment reality. I feel that this morning. It’s as if the past and present are one in this moment.
The present moment is providing the support that wasn’t available to me at one time in my life. I hope this makes sense to you. When the past is triggered it sends off all the alarm bells in the nervous system which can prevent us from recognizing what has happened. This slowing down and tending process that I’m pointing to allows us to discriminate between what is from the past and what is actually happening. I call this the “meeting place between heaven and earth” where all is welcome and all is met with loving compassion.
“Of course you feel this way,” I whisper to myself. “Of course this is difficult,” These simple words I heard this morning from a teacher are like warm liquid honey touching every place of tension in my body. I know my history of trauma. I’m the only one who truly knows the things that have shaped my nervous system so I can say these words, “of course you feel this way” and know the deep truth of that. “Of course this hurts”.
I won’t abandon myself because I’ve learned that when I do I’m abandoning all parts of myself and especially the parts that really needed a lot of support. The young parts.
I feel my body taking a deep and spontaneous breath as these words are received and acknowledged by my nervous system. I’m here. Looking, listening, touching and sensing into this moment. There is room for the past here. Now.
If these words resonate with you I invite you to join me for my upcoming 8 week online event, “This One Sacred Life: From Survival to Unity” which begins on Friday, September 11th, 2026.
Join Candace and a small group of friends for this 8 week transformative and gently nourishing online course as we discover the missing link between healing childhood trauma and awakening to our true nature of loving compassion.
All of Candace’s services are Trauma, PTSD, Complex Grief, Chronic Illness and Benzo withdrawal symptom sensitive.