When strong emotions like anger or rage are exiled into the underworld of our psyche they only get stronger and more persistent. They demand to be expressed. They have a right to be expressed. Anger and rage are an essential part of our nature, rooted deep within the body. We are creature. Primal. Immediate. We need these strong energies but because they are under so much pressure of the conditioned mind they have become distorted.
While the mind is busy trying to determine if it’s ok to be angry or how to set a boundary anger has already sprung into action. Anger doesn’t stop to think about boundaries it just growls and snarls. It’s real. It’s immediate. It’s honest. It knows when it’s been crossed. It doesn’t have to think about it. It can be trusted.
“If I were to infringe on your boundaries, either physically or emotionally, the healthy response for you is to mount an anger response,” No, get out, stay away.” That’s healthy. Healthy anger is in the moment. It protects your boundaries, and then it’s gone. It’s not necessary anymore. However, if you could not express it, it doesn’t disappear. It gets suppressed.” ~ Gabor Mate
When the energy of anger is suppressed for the sake of logic and being nice, the body has to hold it. The charge is incomplete and it will stay incomplete until it has a chance to complete it’s cycle of aggression.
As the energy of anger is allowed to express it makes way for the vulnerability that lives right under her protective wing.
It takes a certain amount of capacity in the nervous system to allow these big emotions without being derailed by them but it’s the most precious work of a lifetime. When our orientation is towards healing or spiritual awakening we must make way for everything including the things we don’t want to feel.
Just last night I went out to my garden to discover that someone had stepped on my tiny little red wagon in my fairy garden. (true story) As I bent down to pick it up and fix the broken wheels the energy of rage came up so strong it literally nearly knocked me over. It was intense. It reminded me of all the times that something precious in me or to me had been treated with absolute disregard. Stepped on. I was able to discharge the energy of rage and right underneath was a reel of memories and tender emotions to be met with gentle compassion. This morning I moved my fairy garden to a more protected area in my yard.
For the last decade my own path (and my work with clients) has included building capacity in the nervous system and the role of the nervous system in spiritual awakening. If this is something that you might need support with please check out my private sessions and upcoming events and courses. You are also welcome to join me for my free Sunday gathering: A Resting Place
PS my work with anger and rage is slow and nuanced and does not include cathartic practices. No screaming in the car. No beating on pillows. No telling off your parents. We begin by building capacity in the nervous system a little bit at a time. For more information about my work with anger and rage you are welcome to contact me.
All of Candace’s services are Trauma, PTSD, Complex Grief, Chronic Illness and Benzo withdrawal symptom sensitive.